Most of the time - much of the time, anyway - I don't get bothered by what could be considered slights. For example, when a classmate at a writing workshop apologized for walking away from me to take a call the previous day, I told her, honestly, that I hadn't given it a thought.
Or, say, someone cuts in line in front of me at the grocery store or at a concert. Yes, I'm annoyed, but it's unlikely I'll voice my irritation any louder than a low-voiced comment to my companions.
Unless, that is, if I'm in a car. I give voice to my astonishment, disgust, and downright disbelief loud enough that anyone nearby would hear and understand. It's not pretty, but no one usually gets to hear my displeasure.
So it wasn't a surprise to me that I was pretty peeved when someone swung into the parking spot at Home Depot for which I had clearly been waiting. What did surprise me is what happened next: As a mom and her two teenage-ish daughters got out of their car, I rolled down my window and said, "Wow ... you just took my spot," in mock amazement.
What happened next was that I immediately felt ashamed. From the look on the woman's face, she had no idea what I was talking about. Her daughters gaped first at me and then at her.
I said, "That's okay ... I guess you didn't see me." She was flustered and said she hadn't. She kept telling me she was sorry. I kept telling her it was okay and I inched away to park elsewhere. By that time, though, I was completely consumed with shame. I was there on an absolutely gorgeous morning to pick out the absolutely gorgeous flowers I was going to pot for my patio. What was wrong with me?
I sprinted after the little family, calling out to them. "I'm sorry," I said. "I was being petty, and on such a lovely day, too. I'm sorry." Beyond the pangs of regret I had brought upon myself, I was appalled that I had become that person.
What could have made me believe that accosting a stranger would have a good outcome, for either of us? I'm sure we all felt bad about my little tantrum, but my fervent hope is that they felt less bad after my apology.
This incident has stuck with me. Why did I think such behavior was called for? Perhaps I've become inured to sanctimonious pronouncements and self-righteous judgments, particularly during this election season. The hate spewed by some supporters of candidates, parties and policies is inexcusable. I'm not sure when or how I gave myself the okay to act in like manner, but I am sure I won't be doing it again.
In the wake of hate-inspired tragedies around the world and at home, I'm horrified that I could default to such self-entitled behavior. Even if, as a human being, I still get annoyed with my fellow citizens on planet Earth, there's absolutely no reason to senselessly berate someone like that ... or at all, really.
Next time, I'll just take a step back and walk - or drive - away from my own pettiness.
Andrea Doray is a writer who continues to be shocked by what anonymous commenters post online ... because they can. Contact Andrea at a.doray@andreadoray.com.
from Lakewood Sentinel - Latest Stories http://lakewoodsentinel.comhttp://lakewoodsentinel.com/stories/Walking-away-is-often-the-better-choice,222579?branding=15
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