Can't always play by the rules - #lakewoodnews

I tell you what --; sometimes this world presents parents with impossible choices.

My whole life, I've been taught that it is good to be virtuous; that is, living by virtues is a good thing. So, I was raised to be compassionate, to try to "walk a mile" in other peoples' shoes. I was also taught that maintaining self-control is a good thing, that bad things come of losing your composure and your temper.

And, in turn, I try to raise my children with some of those values. I want them to give other people the benefit of the doubt, to always be looking for the good in people, and never assume bad intention or nefarious motive. I try to get them to have a soft heart, to treat others kindly and respectfully. I also want them to work hard, to be humble enough to keep working and to let their work speak for itself.

And, when they do that? As often as not, they get walked on by more aggressive or, shall we say, less restrained peers. And, please, my children are not perfect--; I'm just saying how I would like for them to act.

My son, 9, plays by the rules. He understands sports pretty well, seems to get the rules, and expects others to be fair and abide by the same rules. Sure, there are times when he won't call a foul on himself or fudges the out-of-bounds line, but he doesn't go around making up new rules out of whole cloth whenever the mood suits him. So, I can't tell you how many times this little guy, who stops to hug the dogs every time he walks in the door, comes home from school upset that some of the more aggressive and competitive kids just make up new rules on the playground at recess, and the adults can't do anything about it.

Obviously, these are small things. I don't get worked up about stuff like that, because I know that, over time, all of those problems will sort themselves out. I wish it didn't happen, but, that's part of life.

And then I read a story from Delaware, about a 16-year old girl who got into a fight in a school bathroom, was overwhelmed when two additional girls jumped into the fray against her, was videotaped by other girls standing around watching the fight (NOT seeking help for her), and died later that day from the vicious beating.

I'll bet she went into that confrontation thinking that the other girl would fight her own fight. I'll bet she never imagined that her classmates would be so barbaric as to inflict serious injury. I'll bet she never doubted that, if things got out of hand, someone would help her out.

And, I'll bet her parents never, in a million years, imagined that when they kissed her goodbye that morning that it would be the last time they would do so.

But, the world we live in now seems to be one in which the bold and the brash get the fame (see Kardashians), in which the aggressive make up their own rules and facts (see any number of recent or current political debates), in which people without consciences simply take what they want (see Enron), and in which might makes right.

And in which it is no longer safe to assume basic humanity from other people.

I will still teach my children kindness and compassion, because in a world like this, those traits are ever more valuable. But I will also teach them caution, suspicion, evasion, self-defense, and that, if the stuff does hit the fan, fight to win--;and not just this fight, but all the ones that might be coming after.

I hate to think that way, I really do. But, I would hate it even more to have to walk the next mile in the shoes of that poor girl's parents.

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